Food In The Fort

Oh, Bisquick, is there anything you can’t do? Whether it be your namesake quick biscuits, hangover-easy chocolate chip pancakes, or any one of your myriad of Impossibly Easy™ creations, Bisquick seems to be the baking mix of a thousand recipes. Except everything comes out with the taste and texture of Bisquick. This browine recipe I found on the web is no exception.

Now don’t get me wrong; I love Bisquick. It’s an essential ingredient in any bachelor’s apartment or hurried household’s pantry. In fact, if you don’t have any Bisquick in the house, I recommend you run out right now and buy a 5lb. box. Believe me, it’ll last you forever and assuming you have eggs, water and milk on hand you’ll never be at a loss for a crumbly bread-like side or dessert. Just resign yourself now to the fact that you will never make anything with Bisquick that quite resembles whatever-the-hell it’s supposed to be.

But I digress. So, as I mentioned, I found this recipe for Juneann’s Chewy Bisquick Brownies on the web and being lazy, as well as a lover of brownies, I was tempted by its’ promise of a quick, easy and cheap dessert. And I have to say, this is definitely the tastiest Bisquick-based recipe I’ve ever made. On the other hand, it has neither the texture of brownies or cake, but seems to fall into that Bisquick netherland that lies in between. Which just goes to prove our addage that everything tastes great as long as you add enough butter, chocolate, sugar and/or garlic to it. Not necessarily all at once of course, but this recipe certainly has plenty of those first three.

Anyhow, no picture of the results because the faux-brownies crumble and stick to the pan so much that this recipe could alternately be called “Buttered Choco-Crumble”. The results therefore aren’t very photogenic, so I’ve simply decorated this post with a Bisquick box instead. Again, I have to emphasize, this recipe makes for a sinfully rich and decadent dessert. Brownies, however, they’re not.

Bisquick Brownie-Simulacrum Recipe
Ingredients

• 1 1/3 cup Bisquick
• 1 2/3 cup sugar
• 3/4 cup cocoa
• 3/4 cup butter, melted (1 1/2 sticks)
• 2 large eggs
• 2 tbsp. water
• 2 tsp. vanilla

Preparation

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees and grease a 9″ X 13″ baking pan
2. Mix together the Bisquick, sugar, and cocoa in a large bowl
3. Whisk together the butter, eggs, water and vanilla in another, smaller, bowl
4. Mix the wet ingredients into the dry. The batter will be quite thick so you might want to use an electric mixer.
5. Glop (yes, I said glop) the brownie mixture into the prepared baking pan
6. Bake 18 – 25 minutes
7. Write snarky blog post about Bisquick (oh, OK, you can leave off this step)

About the author:  Leo is a technologist and writer living in Fort Wayne, Indiana. He is a transplant to the Mid West from Central New York and was promised cheaper gas and better winters. He feels somewhat lied to in this respect but otherwise finds the people pleasant. Read more from this author