Take two ounces of virgin’s wax (pure beeswax), two ounces of hog’s lard, half an ounce of spermaceti (sperm-whale wax), one ounce of oil of sweet-almonds, two drams of balsam of Peru, two drams of alkanet root cut small, six new raisins shred small, a little fine sugar, simmer them all together a little while; then strain it off into little pots. It is the finest lip salve in the world.

Via Lucy at The Lay Scientist, we have Hannah Glasse‘s recipe for lip balm. Hannah was sort of the Julia Child of her day and wrote the wildly influential The Art of Cookery, Made Plain and Easy (for which she received little compensation).

I enjoy looking through old recipes, including recipes for old folk remedies. The ingredients are often astonishing, such as the full two ounces of hog’s lard in Hannah’s recipe (gross!). This particular recipe intrigues me. It must have had an interesting scent. It was probably a pretty good lip balm too (assuming one didn’t have an allergic reaction to the Myroxylon balsamum (balsam of Peru). Certainly with all that wax and lard one’s lips must have been hermetically sealed against the elements. Indeed, one imagines it would have also made a damn fine window caulk.

Just one question… Wouldn’t “new raisins” just be grapes?

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Unfortunately, I didn’t have a good idea of what I wanted to do with them. Searching for recipes didn’t turn up anything that really floated my boat and most recipes I could find on the net were for sea scallops. Sea scallops of course are much bigger than bay scallops so they lend themselves well to things like breading and frying but bay scallops usually just turn into very expensive and soggy balls of fishy goo if you do that to them. We’re very anti-fishy goo in this house. Thus there they’ve sat in the back of my freezer taunting me, “We’re damn expensive and delicious, and you’re still not eating us!”

Now, I’ve been doing of lot of rather meat intensive dishes of late (meat loaf, meat ball sandwiches, meat roast, vegetable meat soup…) so it seemed a good time to give my arteries a rest and maybe do something a bit lighter. And being really hungry I was also feeling quite impatient and, dare I say, reckless so I threw caution to the wind and thawed out the scallops deciding I’d just throw something together. Edible or not, it would get eaten. But my gamble paid off and handsomly, allowing you, dear reader, to benefit from my careless ways..

As with all my unrecipes, please don’t take measurements or even ingredients as gospel. I don’t really measure things most nights I”m cooking and whatever I list here are just approximations. Don’t want so much garlic? Cut it down. Want it fishier or richer? Add more scallops or butter. Substitute fake crab meat for the scallops and rigatoni for the pasta if you want, and add a little heavy cream to the sauce. Hell, make a yucky face and order a pizza if you want. It’s all good.

Bay Scallops and Sea Shells in a Light Lemon-Dill Sauce Unrecipe
Ingredients

• 1 lb. medium shell pasta, cooked and drained
• 1.5 lbs. bay scallops, well-drained and patted dry
• 6 cloves garlic, minced or pressed
• 2 Tbsp. olive oil
• 1.5 cups chicken stock or bouillon
• 3 Tbsp. lemon juice
• 3 Tbsp. dried parsley
• 1.5 tsp. dried dill
• 1 – 2 Tbsp. butter

Preparation

1. Heat olive oil in a large pan on high heat
2. Sautee garlic about a minute just till it turns light brown
3. Add in scallops and toss to coat with oil, let cook for about two minutes (If you can get yours to brown, you’re a better cook than I)
4. Stir, and allow to cook a couple of minutes more
5. Add in chicken stock/bouillon and lemon juice and allow to come to a boil
6. Reduce heat to a simmer
7. Add in parsley and dill, giving a stir to distribute evenly (ooo… pretty…)
8. Let scallops and broth/bouillon mixture continue to simmer until reduced by about half the volume (about six to ten minutes)
9. Add butter, and stir until melted
10. Toss with pasta shells and enjoy!

Related posts:

1. Pan Fried Salmon with Lemon-Dill Sauce
2. Squash Pasta with a light Rosemary-Garlic Butter Sauce
3. Chilled Lemon Shrimp Pasta Salad

Fake Fudge

Ingredients

• 2 king size Snickers bars
• 1 tub (container? jar?) of chocolate frosting
• 8 oz. semi-sweet chocolate

Preparation

1. melt everything together over a low flame (some purists might insist on using a double-boiler, I say “why bother?”)
2. pour into a 8 x 8 pan and allow to harden

Sure, it isn’t exactly fudge, but it’s so good and so freakin’ easy! Thanks to Jo Baird via my mom for this gem.

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So when I saw this video showing how to substitute summer squash for fettuccine making the rounds of the food blogs a couple of weeks ago I thought this was just more of the same food fakery. But I needed something to make to bring with me to book club this past Tuesday so I decided to use Fort Wayne’s literati as guinea pigs.

Well, dear readers, let me be the first to admit I was wrong. This is a wonderful way of cutting back on the carbs or getting the pasta experience if you happen to be gluten sensitive. Oh, to be sure, it is not pasta. It smells like squash, it tastes like squash and the texture is just slightly off from that of a nice al dente noodle. Who cares!? It’s frickin’ delicious and takes all of ten minutes to make. Twenty if you count the peeling, which goes much faster than you’d expect.

As the video shows, simply use your vegetable peeler (known as a veggie twaddler in this house) and slice thin strips off your squash, rotating every strip.

Click here to view the embedded video.

The only downside is that the process could be considered enormously wasteful since you end up throwing away about a third of each squash (the core with the seeds which is impossible to peel). Then simply saute your “noodles” for about two to three minutes over medium-high heat in about a table spoon of olive oil.

You’re going to have to eyeball the amount of oil, and the exact time you saute the squash peelings. The problem is that, much like the American economy, squash will pretty much soak up all the oil you throw at it. You want just enough to coat it and keep it from sticking.

As for the time, the amount of moisture in your squash is going to determine that. Be careful, because they will burn in an instant and turn to soggy mush just before that. What you want to look for is the color change. You’ll know your squash noodles are done when their color turns bright yellow (or green — zucchini works too).

Oh, and depending on how much squash you’re cooking at once, saute it in batches. That’ll help ensure that it cooks evenly.

Squash Pasta with a light Rosemary-Garlic Butter Sauce
Ingredients

• 3 large summer squash
• 3 large zucchini
• 2-3 tbsp. olive oil (I ended up using just over two tablespoons)
• 2-3 tbsp. lemon juice
• 1-2 tbsp. butter (depending on how big your squash were, or how much you like butter)
• 1/2 tsp. dried, ground rosemary
• 1/2 tsp. garlic powder
• Pinch of salt (optional)

Preparation

1. Twaddle your squash as above
2. Toss with lemon juice
3. Heat large pan over medium-high heat
4. Add 1 tbsp. olive oil and allow to come up to temperature
5. Saute roughly 1/3 of the squash noodles, stirring frequently
6. Remove to a separate dish and repeat process two more times
7. After all the squash noodles are finished sauteing, add butter to pan
8. Allow butter to melt and add in rosemary and garlic
9. Add a pinch of salt if desired
10. Reduce heat and stir melted butter, rosemary and garlic
11. Add squash noodles back into pan, toss with butter mixture and serve

Well, this is one dish I will certainly be adding into my regular rotation. My bookish compatriots thoroughly enjoyed this dish too. It’s not often that something that proclaims itself “healthy and delicious” ends up fulfilling its promise but believe me, this one does not disappoint.

Related posts:

1. Cheesy Beefy Pasta Sauce Un-Recipe
2. Bay Scallops and Sea Shells in a Light Lemon-Dill Sauce Unrecipe
3. Spaghetti with Spinach Sauce

However, The Taste of Sweet does share a Freakonomical feature: both authors like to toss off assertions of dubious scientific accuracy. A case in point: when discussing the role of fiber in our diet, Chen quotes pediatric endocrinologist Robert Lustig who says that bacterial DNA found in stool samples of ancient humans proves that people used to eat about twenty to thirty times more fiber than we do today. This is given as evidence to support the idea that this is the ideal human diet, not just what those undoubtedly very regular people had available to eat.

Without a doubt, the chapter that both Leo and I found the most interesting was “The Real Taste of Strawberry” in which Chen describes how flavors change over time to adapt to current tastes. And she’s not just talking about artificial flavorings. Fruits and vegetables themselves are constantly being selected and manipulated in order to provide a more idealized taste: a more strawberry-flavored strawberry or sweeter sugar cane. As Chen notes, “Humans have been trying to have it their way with nature for a very long time,” and “Real flavors, in fact, aren’t any more consistent than fantasy ones.” And speaking of fantasies, apparently “healthy” tastes like raisins and spice, with a hint of creaminess, at least to food engineer Marie Wright who had embarked on a quest to create a “healthier” tasting oatmeal flavored cookie.

Overall, Leo and I enjoyed reading The Taste of Sweet, in spite of its problems. It’s readily apparent in the numerous interviews and history Chen cites that she has done her homework and the result is an easily digestible yet thought provoking book. However, Chen’s own conflicted relationship with sweet foods gives her analysis an unbalanced feel. Her celebration of the role of sweet foods in our culture is undercut by a generous helping of guilt. In this, Chen certainly parallels most Americans’ relationship with sweets. To paraphrase from her chapter “Guilty Pleasures,” we all have trust issues with delicious food and the more indulgent it seems, the more suspicious we think we should be.

Note: This review was co-authored with Leo.

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I think it took another fifteen minutes for the final two layers to appear, but happily they all came out intact and more or less aligned with their recently liberated bretheren for Sophie and the rest of the guests to properly admire. Indeed, there was much ooh-ing and ah-ing over Catherine’s jiggly creation. It was quite the work of art. I’m sure Bill Cosby himself would have shed a tear at its sheer beauty.

While It’s hard to imagine the housewives of the ’50s and ’60s (when jello moulds were king) had this much fun, but it was worth the wait. And surprisingly delicious! The sour cream in the white layer made for a creamy, tangy counterpart to the sweet berry flavors. While I can’t see us making this very often, it was a thoroughly enjoyable creation. I know I have a lot more respect for gelatinous desserts after all this. Too bad we only have a crumby cell phone pic of the half-eaten jello to illustrate this recipe.

Ingredients

• 2 (3 ounce) packages berry blue gelatin
• 2 (3 ounce) packages strawberry flavored gelatin
• 4 cups boiling water, divided
• 2 1/2 cups cold water, divided
• 2 envelopes unflavored gelatin
• 2 cups milk
• 1 cup sugar
• 2 cups sour cream
• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract

Preparation

1. In four separate bowls, dissolve each package of gelatin in 1 cup boiling water. Add 1/2 cup cold water to each and stir. Pour one bowl of blue gelatin into an oiled 10-in. fluted tub pan; chill until almost set, about 30 minutes.
2. Set other three bowls of gelatin aside at room temperature. Soften unflavored gelatin in remaining cold water; let stand 5 minutes.
3. Heat milk in a saucepan over medium heat just below boiling. Stir in softened gelatin and sugar until sugar is dissolved. Remove from heat; stir in sour cream and vanilla until smooth. When blue gelatin in pan in almost set, carefully spoon 1-1/2 cups sour cream mixture over it. Chill until almost set, about 30 minutes.
4. Carefully spoon one bowl of strawberry gelatin over cream layer. Chill until almost set. Carefully spoon 1-1/2 cups cream mixture over the strawberry layer. Chill until almost set. Repeat, adding layers of blue gelatin, cream mixture and strawberry gelatin, chilling in between each. Chill several hours or overnight.

Note: Recipe by Sue Gronholz.

Update: Catherine’s second nationalistic Jello creation in as many weeks. This time it’s the colors of the Peruvian flag. Hmm… Should I be worried?

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In the oven it will rise way up, and then collapse back in on itself. Some dubious websites I’ve read seem to think that French peasant moms used to entertain their kids by, apparently, parking them in front of the oven to watch the rise and fall of the clafouti. Either 19th C. French children were way too easily amused or there’s something fishy about this story I think.

It’s terribly easy to make, assuming you have a soux chef to pit all those damn cherries for you. Just be sure to avoid my mistake and buy tart, dark cherries. I swear I reached into the bin with the dark cherries but when I went to make this the bag was clearly labeled “sweet cherries”. Also, gauging by how my clafouti came out, if your cherries are extra juicy, you’re probably going to want to add an extra 1/4 cup or so of flour. You’re just going to have to eyeball it, but then that’s the joy of rustic peasant dishes… it’s hard to screw them up too much.

I’ll let you know how everybody liked the clafouti (I love saying that word) later, but right now it’s time to go be literary.

Updated: Well, the clafouti was a huge hit. There was barely a spoonful left. An even bigger hit though was Catherine’s patriotic jello, which I’ll get to posting in a little bit.

Ingredients

• 1 tablespoon softened butter
• 1 cup whole milk
• 1/4 cup heavy cream
• 2/3 cup all-purpose flour
• 3 large eggs
• 1/4 cup granulated sugar
• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
• 1/2 teaspoon almond extract (optional)
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 4 cups dark cherries, preferably pitted

Preparation

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees
2. Butter a 9″ X 9″ deep dish pie pan, square baking pan or something similar.
3. Whisk together all ingredients except the cherries
4. Pour about 3/4 of a cup of the batter in your prepared baking pan
5. Bake 2-5 minutes until the batter is just set
6. Arrange the cherries over the top of the hot batter
7. Pour the rest of the batter over the cherries
8. Bake 35 – 40 minutes until a knife inserted in the center comes out clean and enjoy!

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(Funny story: my daughter Rachel ate almost all of said lemon squares on the way to the Panic! at the Disco concert and then became completely hyper. I’ve never heard a human talk so fast before.)

So I know that this recipe works, it just doesn’t work for me. When I made them, they turned out like lemon brownies – which isn’t really a BIG problem – lacking the stratification of the more traditional lemon square. I think that the problem was my failure to press the crust down firmly before baking it. So, press firmly and enjoy.Lemon Squares (from Marjory “Madame” Leas)

Crust:

• 2 cups flour
• 1/2 cup powdered sugar
• 1 cup butter or margarine, softened

Mix together and PRESS FIRMLY into 9″ x 13″ pan. Bake for 20 minutes at 350 F.

Filling:

• 4 eggs
• 4 tbsp lemon juice
• grated rind of 1 lemon
• 2 cups sugar
• 4 tbsp flour
• 1 tsp baking powder

Preparation

1. Beat eggs until light and fluffy. Add lemon juice and rind.
2. Combine flour, sugar, and baking powder and add to egg mixture.
3. Pour over baked crust and continue baking for 25 minutes or until it seems set when pan is jiggled.
4. Sprinkle with powdered sugar.
5. Cut into squares (not barz!) when cool.

Related posts:

1. Krusteaz lemon bar mix sucks!
2. Torta Di Ricotta E Cioccolata (Ricotta and Chocolate Cake)

Click here to view the embedded video.

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