Now don’t get me wrong; I love Bisquick. It’s an essential ingredient in any bachelor’s apartment or hurried household’s pantry. In fact, if you don’t have any Bisquick in the house, I recommend you run out right now and buy a 5lb. box. Believe me, it’ll last you forever and assuming you have eggs, water and milk on hand you’ll never be at a loss for a crumbly bread-like side or dessert. Just resign yourself now to the fact that you will never make anything with Bisquick that quite resembles whatever-the-hell it’s supposed to be.

But I digress. So, as I mentioned, I found this recipe for Juneann’s Chewy Bisquick Brownies on the web and being lazy, as well as a lover of brownies, I was tempted by its’ promise of a quick, easy and cheap dessert. And I have to say, this is definitely the tastiest Bisquick-based recipe I’ve ever made. On the other hand, it has neither the texture of brownies or cake, but seems to fall into that Bisquick netherland that lies in between. Which just goes to prove our addage that everything tastes great as long as you add enough butter, chocolate, sugar and/or garlic to it. Not necessarily all at once of course, but this recipe certainly has plenty of those first three.

Anyhow, no picture of the results because the faux-brownies crumble and stick to the pan so much that this recipe could alternately be called “Buttered Choco-Crumble”. The results therefore aren’t very photogenic, so I’ve simply decorated this post with a Bisquick box instead. Again, I have to emphasize, this recipe makes for a sinfully rich and decadent dessert. Brownies, however, they’re not.

Bisquick Brownie-Simulacrum Recipe
Ingredients

• 1 1/3 cup Bisquick
• 1 2/3 cup sugar
• 3/4 cup cocoa
• 3/4 cup butter, melted (1 1/2 sticks)
• 2 large eggs
• 2 tbsp. water
• 2 tsp. vanilla

Preparation

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees and grease a 9″ X 13″ baking pan
2. Mix together the Bisquick, sugar, and cocoa in a large bowl
3. Whisk together the butter, eggs, water and vanilla in another, smaller, bowl
4. Mix the wet ingredients into the dry. The batter will be quite thick so you might want to use an electric mixer.
5. Glop (yes, I said glop) the brownie mixture into the prepared baking pan
6. Bake 18 – 25 minutes
7. Write snarky blog post about Bisquick (oh, OK, you can leave off this step)

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This is truly a collaborative recipe. We made it last week when we suddenly decided that we absolutely had to have chili. Of course, last week was actually the first week of April. We’ve been too busy to write this up before now (something about buying a house…) but it is true that we had a sudden craving for chili, whatever month it was.

Leo concocted the basic recipe out of four or five of his favorites with the guiding philosophy that if a little is good, a lot must be better. By the time Catherine came home, the paint was peeling off the ceiling and god knows what sort of damage Leo had inflicted on his intestinal tract in the sampling. So Catherine felt that a little mediation was in order. Leo rambled on for quite some time about balancing PH levels, but in the end Catherine added the cocoa, sugar and extra cornstarch because they sounded good. Presto! The chili was nice and hot; just shy of necessitating a trip to the ER.

We couldn’t have been happier with this Rube Goldberg of a recipe. It goes great with the sun-dried tomato and jalapeño cornbread and gives sinners like us a little taste of what’s to come.

Hellfire and Brimstone Chili
Ingredients

• 1 1/2 lbs. ground beef
• 2 large onions, chopped
• 10-12 cloves garlic, chopped
• 1 (14 oz.) can diced tomatoes
• 1 (15 oz.) can tomato sauce
• 1 (14 oz.) jar hot salsa (or medium, we won’t think badly of you)
• 2 (15 oz.) cans hot and spicy chili beans
• 2 tbsp. chili powder
• 2 tsp. cumin
• 1 tsp. oregano
• 3 tbsp. Worcestershire sauce
• 1-2 tsp. ground red pepper
• 1 tsp. salt
• 1 tsp. black pepper
• 1 tbsp. cocoa
• 1 tbsp. sugar
• 2 tbsp. cornstarch
• 1/4 cup water

Preparation

1. In a large skillet, cook the ground beef and drain (we actually keep a little bit of the fat)
2. Toss everything in crockpot except cornstarch and water; cook on low about eight hours
3. Turn heat to high
4. Mix cornstarch and water until smooth; stir into chile
5. Cook uncovered an additional 15-20 minutes

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